koyaanisqatsi

voice in headphones-mount eerie (mp3)
it isn't so much that i have let myself go. i haven't fallen behind. i haven't really gotten ahead. i'm stuck between the sweet raspy breaths of a child, unable to work myself out from under his number of days within my reach. i am thriving here. i also have fallen short. i have let one water bowl overflow while the other has been dry for days.

we all have heard the term juggling as a way to keep all things in motion, all things in balance and i understand this now, visually, moving small balls through the air. i imagine eggs, moving from one hand to the other, hoping that grace and the expectation of one hand will follow suit with the other, hoping not to lose sight of the process, of all the eggs involved, of how each needs to be handled delicately, to avoid cracks, or worse yet, drops to the floor.

there are reasons for concern. sleep in spurts, the calories that worry burns, the lists occurring behind my eyes, on small bits of crumpled paper strewn through places i travel in 24 hours of time; how many of these have been lost and the things written on them lost in between destinations? the mirror has taken it's toll as well. i see the wrinkles. i act my age. there are bulges. i'm beginning to see the middle of things. the middle of life. the middle of abdomens. the middle of the night.

all of these are explanations.